This is gonna be both my first post and a long-delayed Christmas posting. Why not, I still have gifts to give, mainly because I haven't finished making'em yet.
Now would probably be a good time, before I wander off in circles on a tangent as I'm likely to do, to explain the title of this blog- it's called Transition What largely because I'm going to wander off on tangents. A lot. It is something I do, and if I attempt to worry about transitioning from one topic to the next I will never get anywhere at all.
My family usually gives each other useful things for Christmas. This Christmas, the first thing I opened was a book called Survival Wisdom & Know-How: Everything You Need To Subsist In The Wilderness. Not that odd, we're into that kind of stuff and I'm a known bookworm.
Then I opened a neat little multitool like you see all over the department stores around the holidays, usually aimed at your dad, but the kind of thing I love, bright orange and full of gadgets- pliers, whistle, flashlight, knives, etc. O...kay. Still, like I said, I love this sort of thing. Plus it was bright orange, and I am stupid for brightly-colored things. It's cooler than the card-sized "multiporpose" (not sure where that one was made...) multitool I got last year, and I still use that one all the time, so cool.
Then I opened the seven-in-one car emergency tool. The kind with a seat belt cutter, siren, window-breakin' hammer, everything you need when trapped in your car. This is also kind of odd, as I have one of these from last year as well, but oh well. I can now fill just about every pocket on my army surplus vest with gadgets and pretend I'm in a James Bond film.
Then I opened the snow tire treads.
Around that point I began to worry.
Guys, I think either my family members are out to get me, or they are slowly but surely planning for the zombie apocalypse.
Since my family is generally loving and well-intentioned, if pretty damn crazy, that leads me to conclude that HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS ZOMBIES ARE COMING. So it's time to plan. I'm loading up my vest, and I suggest everyone do the same. I'll post my plan so you all have a loose guideline, though those of you in the know already have plans and probably a copy of The Zombie Survival Guide somewhere in your home.
MY ZOMBIE SURVIVAL PLAN
(Based very, very, very loosely on various movies and games. Very, very loosely).
PHASE ONE
1) Get a gun license. -DONE
2) Learn to actually use a gun. -NOT DONE
3)Get a gun, aim for the head. -NOT DONE
PHASE TWO
1)Make a frantic, daring and madcap dash to a place I can hole up indefinitely- work. Because it's an animal hospital, it's full of food and medical supplies, especially if you are hungry enough to eye the pet food, which you will be soon after the end comes.
2). Meet up with rag-tag bag of miscreants and misguided Good Samaritans on way to holing-up-place. Befriend most, grow annoyed with one and kick him/her out of group.
3)Occasionally rescue apparently idiot neighbors, who seem to think the midst of a zombie apocalypse is a good time to have a barbecue or practice their cheerleading skills.
4)Succeed in madcap dash, minus any party members who are virgins/decided the end of the world was a good time to end their virginal status. They are all zombies by now.
5)Make work/hidey-hole livable by barricading doors and making sure we are not sharing space with zombies. I figure zombie dogs and cats, at least, will be easier to deal with than zombie humans.
6) Fight off previously-kicked-out member of team who has formed his own team and now needs to go find his own damn hiding place and get away from ours.
7)Find some kind of excuse to yell "Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun!" repeatedly.
8)Watch in horror as aforementioned previously-kicked-out member sacrifices himself to save the rest of us. Feel bad for about ten minutes. Go back to building awesome fort out of building and acting like ten-year-olds despite the imminent end of the world.
9)SURVIVE!
10) Emerge into the new world as zombie-plague runs its course, only to realise the world is now chaos. Decide the now-abandoned animal hospital is now my new home, along with my misfit comrades and probably my coworkers, at least two of which probably managed to show up to work that Monday going
"Zombies? What zombies? I thought that rabies outbreak was kinda odd..."
11)Write a book and sell it on the internet. I'm sure someone will have found a way to keep it up and running, even through the end of the world as we know it.
12)Realise I have not actually used any of aforementioned Christmas presents, except for maybe reading the survival book on watch. Possibly using one of the multitools to open cans.
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